Survival of the Fittest

Imagine yourself, standing in the middle of a room, filled with people. A smell of cigarette predominantly competed with the odor of the sweat and the scent of pheromones emitted by the human body. There was an abundance of liquor all around and it was the catalyst of the party. People were dancing and with the influence of alcohol, they were turning to savages. The mating season was about to start, for each person in the room, started to look for its mate to make out with. The pressure and intensity were gradually building as time passed by and you were there unmoved and standing, stiffly. You were kind of uncomfortable, because you weren't use to being with plenty of people. Like the great predators of the earth, some of the people with strong personality and a slight bloated ego, were the ones who always make the first move. They simply eyed around the corner like a surveillance camera, and patiently looked for their prey. The qualities that the prey should have were simple: first, big breast for sucking and fondling pervertedly, second, voluptuous ass to spank with, and third, sluttiness to avoid any complicated ties that a relationship brings. When they already did find their target, they would study her first and think about the perfect pick up line, in order to sweep away the prey smoothly. After a short brainstorming in their little minds, they will approach the prey with an air of pride for they will about to strangle this prey to their beds and their appetites will be fulfilled. This scenario being portrayed would be the perfect example of the first chain of the food pyramid. Let's go back to you, you were still standing, confused about the nature of what you are, a prey or a predator. Kind of like a peer pressure thing, since you are forced to do something that you are not comfortable with but there was no other choice but to comply. You began to dissolve within yourself and you slowly fade away from the crowd. You felt a little lost about yourself, you barely know who you were. All you know was that you love women, and you respect them. And everything just went clear, everything about the survival of the fittest theory was irrelevant and simply bullshit. Women shouldn't be treated as possessions by men and women also. Things became clear and decided to go home contented and thankful for such a realization in mind.

Mixed Rainbow

I never imagined, as I look at myself carefully, on what was reflected on the mirror. Plenty of things have changed, I thought. The innocence I once had wasn't there anymore. My life was opened to a new world, the rainbow and gay world of being a lesbian.

I was also like other young girls who fell for somebody but the difference is, I fell for a woman. She was older than me for about 5 years. The relationship didn't last long than I expected. It only lasted for 3 months. We just had so many differences which made the relationship really difficult to work with. It was a very painful relationship for me because I was very in love with her. I was young and in love, who could blame me for that. After that experience, things have changed, I became distant and basically my life shifted one hundred eighty degrees. I was doing good in school before I met her and I could say I was the top of the class. I had so much dream and passion towards life but until I met her, nothing was passionate about it anymore. I didn't blame her for what had changed. I cherish everything that happened, it strengthened me and encouraged me to become better. It took me more than a year to accept what happened. The days and nights of crying was a common routine for me. I admit I once held grudges against her and the world but as time passed by, the wounds started healing however, memories were still there taunting and mocking. I was still thankful, despite the bitter experience, I still maintained my grades and I met somebody, who I could say was an angel from heaven. We dated for a some time until we entered into a contractual relationship. I challenged her to be in a relationship with me for a year and said, "Let's see if it works out". I didn't expect that things would work out between us. She was my girlfriend for almost two years. She was the longest relationship I had. There were plenty of memorable moments with her that I embraced and kept. She could have been the perfect partner however, there were some differences that we had. Maybe it was my problem, or could be I had issues. I felt that I wasn't growing and I was stuck in the middle. I decided to broke up with her which she didn't agree at first. I waited until the idea will sink in her mind and I broke up with her. Despite the idea that we had already broken up, we still live together under the same roof, which I regretted sometimes. Sometimes, nothing changed between the two of us despite that we are already broken up. We still do the usual routines, waking up in the morning, sharing ideas about books, news and whatever things that are intellectual, going out to bars, eating in restaurants, having coffee and basically just everything, we always did together. Sometimes, I could say that I should do something about this. I really do not know what to do anymore in my life. Everything is just out of my control which is making me depress, because I am used to having control over everything. I still hope for tomorrow. For now, I will just wait patiently for whatever that may come into my life. This is it for now, just a recollection of some memories.